Follow My Heart????

Have you ever had a week where someone is demanding too much of your time, attention and focus, and you really aren't interested anymore, but you have no choice in complying? Well such is the case with me and my job situation. I am burnt out doing custodial work. I am burnt out physically and emotionally. The job that started out as a mellow, low-stress job is turning into something a little more intense than I want it to be, mostly due to change of management.

My heart's focus right now is on spending time with my family and friends during Christmas, enjoying the wonderful music and the message of giving to others and celebrating Christ's birth. This is where my heart is at. Instead, I am having to force myself to focus on new ways to vacuum, new ways to clean, etc., etc., etc., because management says that some of the old ways just aren't working and they are probably right, but my heart just is not in it and I just don't care that much.

I find that my heart is longing for teaching art and creating art, but I am forced to spend more and more of my emotional and mental focus on cleaning--something that I really don't consider that important in life. It is dull and it is unfulfilling. I want more from life than this! I have to pretend to care about and be motivated towards something that I do not really care about. When what I REALLY care about and am motivated to do (art and teaching art) gets ignored because I'm too tired or limited in time.

This is NOT ME! I am seriously going to consider moving towards something else--possibly being a teacher's aid. That way I can get a chance to help with class art projects from time to time and it would at least be more in line with my career goals. But first I need to research this and make sure it would be the right step for me. I have to make sure that I will not be moving from the frying pan into the fire! I talked to Vocational Rehab about this and they said they may be able to assist me in finding something that is better suited to me physically and is less wear and tear on my neck and back. I think I am coming to the realization that I may not be able to do custodial work for as long as I thought I would--like all the way through college and until I graduate. (At least that was my original plan.) I am asking myself, "Do you really think you can do custodial work for that long?" Eventually, I am going to have to find something else.